Dearest mother,
by JustitiaMyriam
Summary: Anastasia writes a letter to her mother and tells her all that is bothering her.


**Hello :)**

**English is not my native language and this is my first story in english, so please be kind.**

**I think Anastasia never really gets the chance to tell her mother what she really thinks and how she feels. I guess it must be really hard if your **

**mother doesn't accept you as who you really are. I wrote this story so that Ana can get some kind of closure.**

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Dearest mother,

I know I have angered you. I know I have disappointed you. I know you cannot and will not forgive me. And I don't ask you to, I just want you to understand

why I did, what I did. It was by no means, directed against you. All I ever wanted was to be free. Free of this burden you put on me. Just like you mother, all I

ever wanted, was what I couldn't have.

I wanted your love and acceptance, while you wanted money and power. Even if you claimed it was all for us, your daughters, I cannot help myself but think, that

rather it were your unfulfilled aspirations you tried to accomplish through us. And it was fine for my sisters, for they wanted, what you did.

You must have seen, that it was not what I wanted, it was not what made me happy. So I don't understand why you couldn't let me be, why you tried to mould

me into someone I was not. Couldn't you just let me be happy with Will? You have seen, that he was able to give me the love, you never felt for me. Still you tried

everything in your power to separate us. But you didn't succeed, not then anyways.

I made the right choice jumping through that mirror. I just shouldn't have let what you told me get to my heart. I couldn't forget your ice cold face, starring at me.

The disdain in your voice was like a knife, you pushed into my heart. And I couldn't pull it out, so it stayed. As you foretold we could not live of love. We were dirty,

cold, hungry. There is nothing wonderful in Wonderland, at least there wasn't for me. Doesn't the thought make you laugh? Are you happy know, knowing you

were right?

Thinking of your words that I was no princess material, made me want to prove you wrong. When I got the chance I married the king. Becoming the queen,

something you never thought me capable of. I was richer and more powerful than you even dared to wish for. As the queen I thought I was accepted, I was loved.

I found a friend, who taught me magic. What would you say now mother? A queen and a sorceress. Would you be afraid? Never mind, I don't care what you think.

The most important part about my gaining power, was losing Will in the process. I finally became a person you would accept, probably even love, but it didn't mean

anything. I was alone. More alone than I have ever been before. I lost the one I loved the most. What was the point of being thus noble and wealthy, if I couldn't

share it with the one person, I cared about. When he saw what I did, the hurt in his face was indescribable. I felt like crying, falling to his feet and begging for

forgiveness, swearing I didn't mean it, taking it all back. But I was frozen, I couldn't move, I couldn't speak and than he was gone.

I knew he would never forgive, so I wanted to change what I had done, my foolish decision that broke our love. I started working towards that goal. Along the way

I learned the rules of magic. Did you know something like that even existed? Me neither. Can you guess what they are? For one you can't make someone love you.

Secondly you can't bring someone back from the dead. And lastly you can't change the past. That was exactly what I wanted, and as usual I could not get it.

Somewhere along the way the king died, my friend left, and a powerful sorcerer made me an offer. He wanted my help in changing the rules of magic. I was

thrilled, I could have what I wanted to! Although I was reluctant in making a deal with him. He seemed dangerous, evil, wicked. But he was my best shot. Ohh,

how I later regretted to have stared to work with him. He killed me you know mother. I was dead. And I think I deserved it. I have caused so many people pain.

Maybe dying was the best way to atone for my sins.

But those people who have suffered most because of my doing. They saved me, they brought me back from the dead. They were Will's friends. They did it for Will.

He still loves me. I cannot comprehend how that is possible. How can he after all I did to him, after all he has suffered because of me? I don't understand. Maybe I

am sleeping and soon I will wake up to find I have been dreaming. Maybe I am dead and this is my heaven, this sweet illusion that Will loves me. Or maybe it is

hell, for I surely deserve to be rather in hell than in haven, and they are taunting me with these fake memories of the life I could I could have had if I just weren't

so selfish? Who knows, mother. For now I just know that I am happy. As happy as I have never been before. I will accept this happiness as reality, even if it may

not be. I plan to prove to Will that I am worth loving, that now he can trust me, that now I will be only his.

Mother, I tried living the life you imagined for me. But now I know it is not for me, it is not a happy life and it cannot bring me happiness. I pity you. You are a poor

soul, for you will never find happiness as I have. I almost lost it because the memory of your words has haunted me. But fortunately I came to my senses before it

was to late and fortunately there were people who have helped me. Now I found peace and happiness. I am with people, who with time may learn to accept me as

their friend and maybe even like me. But foremost and utmost I have Will, and he has me. I will never let him go again, I will never hurt him again. Mother, the

way I choose for finding true happiness and understanding, what true happiness is, was hard. Now that I have accomplished that I don't plan on ever letting go of

it. I pity you, mother, for you will never find happiness if you don't change your ways, and I think you hardly capable of that.

I want to be a good queen for Wonderland. These people deserve to be happy and feel save. For so long I did not understand what having power really meant.

Mother, it means to be responsible for the weak, to protect them. I gained power for the wrong reasons, for the reasons you so desperately wanted to gain it. But

now, as I have this power, I will use it wisely. I will be a good queen for Wonderland.

Mother, I want you to know that I forgive you for not loving me, for wanting to make me someone I was not, for not even trying to understand me. I am writing

this letter so that I can finally make peace with the memory of you. I don't think I will ever see you nor my sisters again. Despite all I hope that somehow you will

be able to be happy.

Your daughter,

Anastasia

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**Thank you for reading. I hope you liked it! Tell me what you think.**


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